Guilty Pleasures


We all have them. Here are some of mine. 😉

Britney SpearsTeen pop music at its finest. I’ve loved her since I was quite young. You can’t get her songs out of your head.

Popcorn – I eat entire bags at a time. The more butter the better. Don’t dare ask me to share. Not happening.

Fishnet – I know fishnet can be trashy, but I just love it. I manage to pair it with anything I’m wearing.

16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom – These shows are so entertaining. I even wrote a huge paper on them for a college class. I’m not obsessed or anything…

Singing in the car – This happens all the time. I sing loud, too. Who wants to hear the actual singer anyways?

Hot Topic – I’ve shopped there for forever. I still walk in and want to buy everything I see. I plan on doing a huge haul from here soon, so keep an eye out for that. 😉

Aqua – Remember the song “Barbie Girl”? Well, the group behind the song is the shit. They don’t take themselves too seriously and it’s fun to bounce around to their music.

Mean Girls – The best movie ever. I think I have it memorized at this point. That’s a little embarrassing.

So, what are your guilty pleasures?

Natalie Shau


Natalie Shau is a super talented artist and photographer from Lithuania. Her works are so innocent and beautiful, but they are pretty creepy, too. There is always an element that just isn’t quite right. Like why is the gorgeous lady in white holding a human head?

Hey Alice, I thought you were sweet and innocent? Please don’t stab me! Natalie’s attention to detail is amazing. Whenever I look at her art, I feel like I’ve just stepped into a fairy tale that little children should never read.

She seems to have an affinity for women, animals, fairy tales, and fantastical creatures. And Natalie likes to combine them all into one, like the pink cat girl pictured above. Meow.

Little Red Riding Hood is a badass. For some reason I love super sweet stuff that gets twisted into something darker. I just really enjoy the contrast and how splendidly light and dark go together. Natalie gives me my fix. That’s why she’s my favorite artist.



Fear is evil. Nothing good ever comes out of being afraid. We know our fears are irrational. Stupid. Restrictive. So why do we let our fears rule the way we live? Because it is the easy way out.

Let’s say you are thinking about getting a new job. The pay is better, it seems like it would be more enjoyable, and you’re ready for a change. This is when fear comes in to mess up all of your plans. Fear is like a tiny devil inside your brain. It wants you to constantly second-guess yourself and remain complacent so that it is in control. You’ll stay at that crap job  because you are comfortable there, it’s easy work, and you secretly enjoy complaining about it all the time. In your mind, change is too hard and you’re just not willing to face your fears. Fear has won.

We often fear the unknown. What will I do once I graduate from college? How will people react to my change in appearance? Will I be alone forever? We are too afraid to learn the answers to these questions so we do nothing. And our anxiety goes away, which just reinforces fear and helps it to grow stronger. Fear can be very powerful, but we can always overcome it if we choose to.

I know I still have fears. I’m afraid of failure, social interactions, and insects, just to name a few. But, I generally try to not let fear control my existence. Whenever I get scared, I try to figure out why I feel that way. Can I justify the fear? Or is it something that I can overcome? Most likely I can overcome it. And when you push past fear, you can do anything.

I used to be really afraid of what other people thought of me. I wanted everyone to like me and I stayed away from doing things that society might disapprove of. Potential negative reactions and hate from the outside world kept me in a comfortable little bubble. Life was easy in the bubble, but it wasn’t fun. So, I started to poke holes in the bubble by facing my fears.

Changing my appearance was a big fear I had to face. I don’t want to look like a normal male. I love makeup, long hair, and feminine clothing. I worried about how people would react to me if they saw how feminine I looked. What if I was shunned by society? Would some people react violently to what they saw? I didn’t want to be rejected, but of course I wanted to be happy. So, I gradually started wearing more and more makeup and dressed the way I wanted. Yeah, I got some negative reactions from people, but others really supported my new look and liked it.

I have come to realize that my fears are stupid and should just be ignored. I don’t want to hold anything back in this life. I want to do what I love, look how I feel, love who I want to love, and experience everything that I possibly can. In 100 years, no one will remember any of us. So why not just have fun with life, make some mistakes, and learn many great lessons along the way.

Don’t let fear win. It’s the absolute death of creativity, fun, and love. That’s why I stomp the fuck out of fear with my 7 inch platform boots. It works every time. Demonia boots are useful in so many ways.


Zero Gravity


If you don’t know the singer Kerli, then check her out. I can’t even begin to describe my love for her newest song Zero Gravity. Best lyrics she’s ever written. Her visuals keep evolving and getting better. She’s managed to create a commercial sound without compromising her integrity. I really think this is her year. And I couldn’t be happier for her.

I have a very special relationship with Kerli. I feel like we’ve been through a lot of the same things and I relate to her more than any other person I know. She grew up in Estonia, which was under Soviet occupation until she was 4 years old. Kerli didn’t belong there and couldn’t live surrounded by people who were so negative and had no dreams. She wasn’t accepted by the people there because she was different and strived for something more than those around her. Kerli wanted to pursue a career in music and was constantly writing and honing her craft, even though she had very little support from anyone. Kerli always felt very restricted by her environment and she became very depressed to the point that she was suicidal and attempted to kill herself. Thankfully she was unsuccessful. She wrote many songs during her depression and many more after she came out of it. Kerli signed with a major music label, Island Records, and released her first album in 2008. It dealt with death and darkness, but it was also hopeful and very inspirational.

When I first discovered Kerli, I was 18 and so lost. I never fit in anywhere and I couldn’t connect with the world. I was hiding my true self and putting on an act everyday to try and please others. I thought that making other people happy would make me happy. I desperately wanted to belong and if I had to fake it was fine with me. But, it was slowly killing me. I developed severe depression and I started researching ways to commit suicide. I’m a perfectionist, so I didn’t want to be unsuccessful. I pushed away everyone that was close to me so that it would be easier to end it. I just remember feeling so alone and in so much pain. It was unbearable.

Kerli’s music was the only thing that kept me going. It made me feel a little less alone. Like someone actually understood me for the first time ever. And her message actually pulled me out of my depression. She made me realize that I could be and do absolutely anything. Killing myself wouldn’t solve my problems. And I was much too strong and beautiful to go that route. I didn’t have to hide who I was anymore. The past was the past, but dwelling on it wouldn’t make me happy. I became free from my pain and started owning my reality instead of being a victim. I am eternally grateful for all that she has done for me.

I didn’t think this post would go so dark, but I hope others can relate. I really believe that the most beautiful people have suffered through the most pain. After all, pain will only grow you and make you a better soul.

My favorite lyric from Zero Gravity is this: “Traces of sadness no more chain me to the ground”. To me, it represents moving beyond your pain and basking in love and light. Love is truly all that matters.

Integrity. Love. Unity.

Be Mine?


I know Valentine’s Day was last month and all, but I did a themed photoshoot that I think needs to be seen. Now, I never thought I would be so excited to do a holiday-themed shoot. But, I thought about how I could twist the love theme into something darker. Everyone knows what it feels like to be rejected by someone you love. This rejection can make a person act a little crazy/jealous. This was the direction I was going.

The story in my head is as follows: My boyfriend just broke up with me at the homecoming dance. I won the crown and he had to go and ruin it. Naturally, I cried and ruined my perfect makeup. And after I was done crying, I decided it was time for revenge. This is when I lost my damn mind.

I go all-out when it comes to visuals. I figure I might as well go crazy with it if I’m just having fun. With this shoot, I was actually pretty organized for once and laid all of my props and clothing out beforehand. I played up the pink, red, and white for sure. This was a themed shoot after all.

This pink wig was the star of the shoot. I’ve always wanted pink hair so why not? I got it for super cheap at Hot Topic and it’s actually a Nicki Minaj wig. Hot Topic has cheaply made clothes, but they have great accessories and jewelry. The inner 14-year-old rebel in me will not allow me to stop shopping there. haha

The red lace arm warmers were actually children’s tights that I found at the Salvation Army and cut apart.

I got the cool running makeup look by making my eyes water with eyedrops and rubbing eyeshadow around.

I usually end up doing shoots super late at night because I’m nocturnal. Plus, I feel extra creepy the later it is. Well, near the end of my shoot (at like 4:30am), all of the fire detectors in my entire house decided to go off. It was so loud and unexpected that I almost had a heart attack. I decided to wrap the shoot up at that point. I’m all about signs and the universe wasn’t being subtle this time. 😉

This last picture is my favorite of the bunch. I feel like I lucked into it. It’s so deranged and cute at the same time. Disclaimer: No stuffed animals were injured/hurt as a result of this photoshoot. (A little nibble never hurt anyone…)

I got the gothic tears idea from Adora BatBrat. Love that girl.

Last but not least, if you need to get another fix of weirdness (and you know you do after these creepy photos), then you should creep on over to The Man Behind The Curtain’s blog. You better do it, or I will eat all of your stuffed animals. I obviously have an eating disorder…

Small Talk


“How are you today?”… “That weather sure is something!”… “What are your plans for the weekend?”…

We’ve all heard these before. And I’m sure we’ve all said them, too. It’s called small talk. And I absolutely despise it.

Generally, if you see someone you know at work, school, the store, or on the street, you will say something to them. Otherwise you’re going to come off as rude. The other person may speak to you first. In this case, you would respond appropriately. You may have a five minute conversation or a quick hello. But really, neither one of you give a shit about the other person, how they are doing or what they are up to. We just use small talk to break the ice and come off as nice people.

I have never enjoyed small talk. I like to have deep conversations with people. And I only speak when I have important things to say. The world does not work that way, though. We’re forced to interact with people we don’t like, don’t connect with, and don’t trust all the time. So, we resort to small talk to mask our true thoughts about these people. It’s just so fake that I can’t handle it.

I always feel so awkward when I have nothing to say to someone and they are just standing there expecting me to ask about their wonderful life. We shouldn’t have to talk with people that we don’t connect with. It would just make interactions so much easier. This forced communication is so painful and uncomfortable. No, I don’t care about your baby and the new word he just learned. Babies actually annoy me and your husband is a weirdo. But, I can’t say any of that! I have to tell you how adorable your baby is and ask about your plans for the next holiday. It’s terrible.

While you are blabbing about the weather, I wish I was talking to my best friend about creative visualization and our past lives. I’m not good at faking anything and pretending to care is not going to happen.

Forcing small talk with close friends or family members is the worst. Sometimes there is nothing to say. I get a text message and I have no idea what to text back. That happens to me all the time! I have nothing important or valid to say. This is where small talk comes in to save the day! We should just be honest and up-front with one another, but it doesn’t happen. I don’t want my friends or family to think I don’t care about them. So I talk about anything just to keep the conversation alive. So sad.

Maybe I’m the only one who hates small talk. Other people seem to enjoy it and are actually good at it. It just drives me mad! The next time someone I don’t connect with asks me how I’m doing I’m not responding…

Foreign Female Singers


I love all kinds of music. And a lot of that music comes from outside the U.S. There are so many great artists from around the world. I’ll share some of my favorite foreign female singers with you.

Bat For Lashes – England

She combines haunting melodies and 1980’s film references flawlessly. And she’s a little creepy. Always a good thing.

Alexandra Stan – Romania

This girl is adorable. I am obsessed with Romanian dance music and its blend of old and new. Somehow saxophones and dance beats go together.

Kanon Wakeshima – Japan

Cute lolita from Japan. And she plays the cello. Classical music will never die!

The Veronicas – Australia

Twin sisters who can harmonize like bosses. I remember playing their albums to shreds.

Bjork – Iceland

Some say she’s crazy. Others think she’s weird. I think she’s a genius. Her vocal range is astounding. Her lyrics are gorgeous. And her visuals are otherworldly. She’s in a league of her own. Bow down.

Marina & The Diamonds – Wales

I do enjoy her critique of American culture. And that she thinks singing coaches/lessons are garbage (I agree). One day she just decided she wanted to become a singer and didn’t stop until it happened. I admire that.

Imogen Heap – England

One of (if not the best) female producers/songwriters in the business. I love that she does it all herself. We need more female artists like her.

Anna Ternheim – Sweden

She’s a great storyteller. And she has that quirky vibe I dig.

Medina – Denmark

Really good dance music. I could get lost on the dancefloor to her music any day.

Kerli – Estonia

Nobody knows where Estonia is. And it doesn’t matter. Her music is a perfect blend of light and dark. I feel love when I listen to her. She’s one of the few artists that can make me cry tears of joy. Her visuals are insane in a good way. And she’s also my favorite singer of all time.

I hope this proves that foreign music is bomb ass. Cuz it most definitely is.