If you don’t know the singer Kerli, then check her out. I can’t even begin to describe my love for her newest song Zero Gravity. Best lyrics she’s ever written. Her visuals keep evolving and getting better. She’s managed to create a commercial sound without compromising her integrity. I really think this is her year. And I couldn’t be happier for her.
I have a very special relationship with Kerli. I feel like we’ve been through a lot of the same things and I relate to her more than any other person I know. She grew up in Estonia, which was under Soviet occupation until she was 4 years old. Kerli didn’t belong there and couldn’t live surrounded by people who were so negative and had no dreams. She wasn’t accepted by the people there because she was different and strived for something more than those around her. Kerli wanted to pursue a career in music and was constantly writing and honing her craft, even though she had very little support from anyone. Kerli always felt very restricted by her environment and she became very depressed to the point that she was suicidal and attempted to kill herself. Thankfully she was unsuccessful. She wrote many songs during her depression and many more after she came out of it. Kerli signed with a major music label, Island Records, and released her first album in 2008. It dealt with death and darkness, but it was also hopeful and very inspirational.
When I first discovered Kerli, I was 18 and so lost. I never fit in anywhere and I couldn’t connect with the world. I was hiding my true self and putting on an act everyday to try and please others. I thought that making other people happy would make me happy. I desperately wanted to belong and if I had to fake it was fine with me. But, it was slowly killing me. I developed severe depression and I started researching ways to commit suicide. I’m a perfectionist, so I didn’t want to be unsuccessful. I pushed away everyone that was close to me so that it would be easier to end it. I just remember feeling so alone and in so much pain. It was unbearable.
Kerli’s music was the only thing that kept me going. It made me feel a little less alone. Like someone actually understood me for the first time ever. And her message actually pulled me out of my depression. She made me realize that I could be and do absolutely anything. Killing myself wouldn’t solve my problems. And I was much too strong and beautiful to go that route. I didn’t have to hide who I was anymore. The past was the past, but dwelling on it wouldn’t make me happy. I became free from my pain and started owning my reality instead of being a victim. I am eternally grateful for all that she has done for me.
I didn’t think this post would go so dark, but I hope others can relate. I really believe that the most beautiful people have suffered through the most pain. After all, pain will only grow you and make you a better soul.
My favorite lyric from Zero Gravity is this: “Traces of sadness no more chain me to the ground”. To me, it represents moving beyond your pain and basking in love and light. Love is truly all that matters.
Integrity. Love. Unity.