Just the other day I was asked if I had a Facebook. It’s a valid question since that site is quite popular. I don’t have one. My answer always sets off a firestorm of comments. Really? Why not? That’s weird. You should get one! People are shocked by it. And they always want to know the reasoning behind my decision, as if it’s actually their business. I really don’t need to justify my decision, but since my friends, family, and co-workers seem so intrigued, I thought I would discuss why I don’t have a Facebook.

Reason #1: People I don’t like kept adding me.

When I had a Facebook, people who treated me like garbage in public school suddenly wanted to be “friends”. That was really odd to me. I’m a forgiving person, but not that fucking forgiving. Sure, I could have blocked people and kept my profile private, but I didn’t feel like doing that. Why should I have to pretend to like anyone? I will never forget the past. I no longer hold onto anger and pain from back then. I just don’t want to be exposed to certain people ever again. It’s not healthy and they don’t deserve to see what I’m currently up to. Accepting a friend request from a former bully would be like condoning their previous behavior. Sorry, that’s not happening. It makes me wonder if these people forgot what they did to me. Oh, you don’t remember calling me a fag? Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to you, but it hurt me. I never got an apology. You’re not welcome in my life. 🙂

Reason #2: Mixing work and play is never a good idea. 

We all play many different roles in our lives. We present ourselves in certain ways depending on what the situation is. At work you act differently than if you were at a club, for example. The two environments don’t fit together. I personally would not feel comfortable with my boss viewing pictures from my trip to the Goth club, particularly if I was dressed provocatively and inebriated. People have gotten fired over stuff their co-workers found on Facebook. There needs to be a division between certain areas of life. Not every person you know needs to know everything about you. That is just plain creepy…in a bad way.

Reason #3: I felt restricted.

I’m a very open and honest person. I wasn’t always that way, but I have found that it’s the best policy. I have a small circle of people who really know me and don’t judge who I am. If you have 200 friends on Facebook, then chances are you aren’t super close with all 200 of them. That would be extremely time-consuming. Why, then, would you post your entire life online for them all to see? It doesn’t make any sense. Yet, people do exactly that. Now, I’m into some weird stuff and I love that about myself. There’s nothing wrong with androgyny or spending time in cemeteries. However, I realize that not everyone I come in contact with will accept those things. I want to share the stuff I love with those close to me, but sometimes it’s better to just keep things to yourself. For instance, I don’t think my family would be too happy with my blog. I started it solely for myself, though. So, I’m certainly not going to filter my thoughts/interests/visuals/whatever else I post on here. When I had a public Facebook, I felt like I had to “normalize” myself and it sucked. Normal people are very scary. 😮

Reason #4: It’s addictive. 

I have an addictive personality. Who doesn’t? Many people get obsessed with Facebook and it starts to interfere with their daily lives. I have a feeling that would happen to me, so I’d rather just avoid it. I already have enough addictions as it is: shopping, prison documentaries, and black eyeliner, just to name a few. I was really into MySpace when that was the popular social networking site. lol Picking the perfect profile song was vital, at least to me. Now it’s time for a throwback photo, just because. I was 18 and a bit of a MySpace whore. Forgive me.

I actually kind of miss wearing bandanas in my hair. I thought it was cute. I might just have to bust some out again. 😉

Natalia Kills


Natalia Kills is a singer/songwriter from England with an affinity for axes and dark subject matter. The story behind her stage name is pretty awesome. We tell people that they “killed it” when they do a really good job at something and give their all. Natalia says that she is a perfectionist and always tries to kill it, so that’s why she picked the name. She also sings about killing her boyfriends, so it is a very fitting name.

Natalia describes her music as Dark Pop. I love it when music artists create their own genres! The sound is definitely Pop and you can sing along to it, but the lyrics are dark. Natalia sings about revenge, aggression, murder, and violence. Everyone’s favorite things. “Wonderland” is my favorite song by her. It basically debunks the perfect image of love and tears the fairy tale apart. She explores the dark side of love. Modern children’s fairy tales are rooted in some pretty dark  shit and I would love to hear this song in a Disney movie.

Natalia started out as an actress, so her music videos are like mini-films. The music and visuals combined are very dramatic and create suspense. I feel like I’m watching a horror movie when I view her videos. Whether she kills her boyfriend or gets beheaded, I can’t look away from them. Natalia is not afraid to push the boundaries of Pop music and I often find myself dancing to her music, even though it’s not party music.  The music is honest and brave, which is refreshing. I don’t want to hear about how much you love someone. I want to hear about how you’re going to get back at them when they fuck you over. Natalia isn’t afraid to take control and speak her mind.

BubbleGoth + Dark Pop = Epicness

Natalia’s musical influences include Depeche Mode, Alanis Morissette, and Kate Bush. I can definitely hear Depeche Mode in her music with the synthy, 80s dance sound. Alanis and Kate are both very honest, empowering singers and so is Natalia. I am also inspired by these same musicians because they make quality music. I must say Natalia has good taste. She is also friends with my favorite singer Kerli (pictured above), which is dope. Hopefully a collaboration between the two comes about. It would be epic.

If you like Pop music with an edge and you enjoy awesomely weird and disturbing visuals, then Natalia is your girl. Just don’t supply her with sharp objects, though.



I just posted my Taylor Momsen cover to my SoundCloud. I don’t think I am the best singer, but it’s a passion of mine. Music is my number one love in life and it’s one of the mediums I use to express myself. I never really started singing until a short time ago. I always wanted to, but being super shy stopped me from trying it out. It’s scary to sing in front of other people and put yourself out there in such a way. I love the nervous energy, though. I have come to love singing in public and all of the attention I get from other people. It’s a blast. A couple years ago I never would have imagined I would be making music and sharing it with people. I’m really happy I pushed myself to do it.

As of now, I have only done vocal covers. I buy instrumental tracks from iTunes and then sing over them. But, I have dabbled in programming and soon I hope to record original songs that will be written and produced completely by me. It’s hard work, but I love a challenge. 😉

Any vocal cover requests are welcome! I will try any music genre. I love to rap, too!

Taylor Momsen


Taylor Momsen is the lead singer of the rock band The Pretty Reckless. She started out as an actress and model, but found that music was her real passion. Before her crossover to music, Taylor starred in the teen drama Gossip Girl, which  is basically a TV show about slutty rich young adults. I was obsessed when the show first came out, but it quickly lost its appeal. Too much sex and not enough substance. Apparently it is still on the air.

Anyways, Taylor gained fame from the show and by 2008, she had formed a band. The sweet, innocent girl from TV had turned into a ballsy rocker. I think many people were surprised by her transformation, myself included. Normally, teen actresses attempt singing careers when they clearly can’t sing and just want to make more money. But, Taylor has raw talent and writes all of her songs. And she didn’t go the pop music route like so many before her.










It’s hard to believe that someone’s appearance can change so drastically in a short amount of time. But, Taylor started to grow up and I think she wanted to embrace a more mature look. I really love her new style. I like to call it Grunge Gothic Stripper. It just works with her and she has the attitude and personality to pull it off. The media gave her crap for her style change and said she was a bad role model to her fans. Yes, Taylor may only be 18 and her look is sexually provocative, but she’s just being herself. As an adult she can do whatever she wants. It’s not like we all haven’t seen it before.










Taylor’s music is honest, gritty, and powerful. I can’t believe how talented she is as a songwriter at such a young age. I love everything about her. Even in interviews, Taylor has no filter and she stands up for what she believes in. I don’t think there is anything she can’t do.

My own style is definitely influenced by Taylor. Effortless, but still bold. I’m also working on my own vocal cover of one of her songs. 🙂 I just can’t resist.

Rock on, gurl.

Hot Topic Haul


I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that Hot Topic is one of my favorite stores to shop at. But, obviously that didn’t stop me from recently buying $400 worth of stuff there. Let me show you my haul!

Unboxing goodies is so exciting! I love getting packages in the mail.


~WARPAINT Frost Bite Eye Kohl Pen: $1.99

~WARPAINT Bubblegum Lip Syrup: $1.99

~WARPAINT Party Pink Shimmer Eye Shadow: $1.99

~WARPAINT Grimace Lip Gloss: $1.99

~Manic Panic Immortal (Black) Nail Polish: $5.00


~Color Fiend Hot Pink Temporary Comb In Color: $1.99

~Color Fiend Electric Blue Temporary Comb In Color: $1.99

~Pink Bling Bow Hair Clips: $5.25

~Bling Skull Chain Headband: $4.75


~The Nightmare Before Christmas Bat Bling Necklace: $3.99

~Large Silver Link Heart Necklace: $18.50

~Too Fast Corset Cameo Scissor Necklace: $29.50


~Too Fast Spider Web Ring: $3.25

          Other Accessories

~Black/Red Corset Wrist Cuff: $12.50

~Lip Service Black Vinyl Cone Stud Zip Wallet: $16.98

~Sailor Moon Brooch: $12.50

      ~Skull Chain Belt: $19.50

       ~Neon Hotpink Fishnet Tights: $8.00

JET Blue Distressed Large Pyramid Stud Cut-Off Short Shorts: $24.50

Skull Zipper Bandeau Bra: $9.50

Rainbow Tulle Petticoat: $19.50 (It doesn’t fit! Why must I have large thighs? Should I get super ghetto and cut the elastic to make it fit? Or return it? It’s just so pretty!)

Ke$ha Electric Tiger T-Shirt: $8.97 (I’ll get sleazy for a super cheap shirt)

Lip Service Blacklist Ruffle Shrug: $39.50

Lip Service Black Safety Pin Cold-Shoulder Top: $34.50

Teenage Runaway Royal Blue Pyramid Stud Top: $26.50

I also bought my sister a DVD for her birthday. I justified buying tons of crap for myself by getting her something. Who doesn’t love Adventure Time though?

My Real Name


I hate my name. I said it. I don’t feel bad about saying it, either. I just don’t identify with it at all. It’s masculine, biblical, and far too common. I’m obviously not very masculine (I just bought a rainbow petticoat lol). I’m not religious at all. And I’m a total weirdo in all the best ways. Why was I named Jonathan?

There was a bit of a disagreement over what my name should have been. My mom wanted to name me Nathan. My dad wanted to name me Jonathan. Guess who won that battle? It’s crazy, too, because my dad never makes the final decisions. My mom is a take-charge kind of woman, which is awesome. My dad must have been super persistent. For the record, I like Nathan a lot better than Jonathan. 😉

Now, John  is probably the most common male name ever. Everyone shortens Jonathan to John as well. In school, without fail, there were always two other Johns in class with me. It really drove me crazy. The teacher would call out John and I never had any idea who she was talking to. Of course the teacher never distinguished it with a last name either. It’s like I was expected to be a mind reader or something. I wish I had psychic abilities, but sadly I do not. So, I would walk up to the teacher’s desk and they would look up and say they meant the other John. Great. That confusion could have been avoided so many times. It never was though because public school teachers are pretty much all idiots. But, that’s for another post! Yeah, we will definitely be coming back to that topic at a later time.

I guess I picked my artist name (Asylum Attendant) out of necessity. I feel like a name should describe who you are to a certain extent. Mine is just so wrong for me. I’m much too odd to have such a popular name. Jonathan is not a shit name and I think it fits some people. I just can’t stand it. I understand that people will call me by my real name. I’ve accepted that. I’m not going to legally change my name or anything. Not worth the hassle. Online I am Asylum Attendant. I attach that name to anything creative that I do. It describes me so well. The name found me! I love it.

My middle name is Craig…even worse. haha Let’s just not even go there. I do enjoy my last name though, which I won’t say here for obvious reasons. So that’s a positive! I guess it’s normal to hate your name. I know a lot of people do. We should just be able to pick our own names and switch them throughout our lives if we choose to. Parents have good intentions, but they can get it so wrong.

So, do you like your name? If not, what do you wish your name was?

Eloise Asylum


Eloise Asylum is a huge part of my life. As the Asylum Attendant, this is the only home I will ever know. Lately, Eloise has been on my mind a lot. I thought I would share a little history behind the asylum and of course some creepy photos. Eloise began as a poorhouse in 1839 in Westland, Michigan. At first, Eloise had very few residents (only 35 to begin with).  Gradually, the grounds were expanded and more and more people came to live here. By 1868, a separate building was erected to house the insane. This was the start of the asylum. At its height, the Eloise complex sat on 902 acres of land and housed about 10,000 inmates, I mean patients. Forgot for a minute whether this was an asylum or a prison… Eloise was essentially its own self-sustaining city. It was huge and had a schoolhouse, fire/police department, bakery, powerhouse, railroad station, and even an amusement hall. Many of the staff lived on the grounds. There was no need for anyone to leave Eloise for anything, which was great because you wouldn’t want the general public to know what was really going on behind the iron gates. An elaborate tunnel system was constructed under the grounds as well. This made it possible for attendants to transport patients from one building to another. Looks like fun, huh? Overcrowding quickly became a problem at Eloise, but it was fine because some patients just ended up sleeping on the floor. 125 women would have to share 5 toilets. Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) was used on patients at Eloise starting in the 1950s. I have read that it can help people with severe depression, but knowing that ECT electrically induces seizures in people is unsettling to me. I don’t care how safe people try to make it sound. I’m not buying it. No wonder some of the patients made their own shanks for protection… There was also television therapy. We still use that today to control unruly children and entertain the elderly. Sad, but true. Birthdays were also celebrated in the asylum. The bakery produced cakes for patient’s birthdays, which was a sweet thing to do. An interesting fact that I discovered about Eloise was that a patient pageant was put on in 1936. I don’t know what it involved, but that sure sounds like a strange thing to occur at an asylum. Patients putting on a show… I can’t decide if that’s cute or super messed up. At least Eloise had cool sewer lids. Eloise closed in 1984 and most of the buildings were demolished. A few still remain and they tell a story of pain and despair. I know that not much about mental illness was understood during the asylum era, but I am shocked at the way the mentally ill were treated in the past. Locked wards, leather restraints, spinning chairs, lobotomies…how was this allowed? It was allowed because society didn’t care. As long as the insane (or the bothersome sane people) were removed and out of sight, it didn’t matter what happened to them. These patients suffered alone in silence and I think their story deserves to be told. I won’t let Eloise be forgotten. To lighten the mood, here is an Emilie Autumn performance. I think it’s relevant since I’m discussing a Victorian insane asylum. She’s pretty much responsible for my love of all things asylum-related. Who doesn’t love crazy girls dancing around in corsets and copious amounts of glitter? Good times.