Teatime

I wrote this poem a couple of years ago. At the time, I was really interested in Victorian culture and particularly how horrible life was for women during this era. It is heavily inspired by singer/violinist Emilie Autumn, who is the Queen of all things Victorian. I can’t possibly hide my adoration for her and this poem was written while I listened to her music. My goal here was to blend a dark history with sarcasm and humour. I think humour makes heavy topics tolerable and even entertaining. Tea parties weren’t really all that innocent after all.

~Teatime~

Chatter echoed throughout the garden

As afternoon tea prompted women

To spill their innermost thoughts and dreams,

Which husbands could never hear, it seemed.

1

Clothed in tightly laced corsets that pinched,

Since a woman’s waist looked best when cinched,

These women knew they must look decent

And that breathing was unimportant.

1

Along with the tea were served muffins

And cherry scones placed in fancy tins,

Which were clearly only there for show

‘For no lady wants a healthy glow.

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To protect the women from the sun

Were quaint parasols for everyone.

Because Victorian ladies know

A tan is a definite no-no.

1

Placed throughout the garden were wickets

For the dames to play croquet in sets,

Since it was unlikely to tire

Whilst knocking balls through small, arched wires.

1

Little girls pretended to drink tea

Nearby their mothers, smiling with glee.

Little did the ignorant girls know,

Poison-spiked tea is hard to swallow.

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The pleasant aroma of roses

Wafted into many pale noses,

Much unlike the stench of master’s breath

When his rapes his lady ‘til her death.

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Two of the women sat together

And had been best friends for forever.

If their hidden romance was revealed,

Then love from doctor could make them healed.

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The hostess refilled dainty teacups

As one dame tried to stop her hiccups.

And once the party had reached its end

The ladies feared their frail hearts would rend.

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Alas, the women said their goodbyes

And a few even began to cry.

Because they all knew their fun was over

Until they fucked their secret lovers.

Emilie’s “Marry Me” was clearly an inspiration for “Teatime”. 😉

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4 thoughts on “Teatime

  1. Very good stuff…can imagine EA herself enjoying this.

    I probably amn’t as big a fan of her as I used to be, but I still firmly believe that she’s one of the best female musicians out there.

    • I think she’d get a kick out of it. ;-D

      I know what you mean. Sometimes I just can’t listen to her music because it is so dark and heavy. I’m into lighter stuff these days, but I appreciate what she does. I think a lot of people don’t realize that she actually writes/produces/orchestrates/records all of her own music. That takes a lot of skill. Her violin skills blow me away.

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