Carpe Nocturne: Summer Steampunk Issue 2015

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Carpe Nocturne Summer 2015
Steamy weather outside means that the Summer Steampunk issue of Carpe Nocturne is finally here. We have a male cover model this time with an epic handlebar moustache. This issue covers Steampunk music from around the world, gear-filled events you’ll want to learn more about and our new poetry feature, Dark Corners. Check out my article on the hilarious, but talented Goth musician Aurelio Voltaire, my interviews with Swedish latex model Arathin (whose blog you all should check out) and anti-bullying group Heroes United Against Cosplay Bullying, my CD reviews of bands Atomzero and Suicidal Romance, my legendary (haha) poem Teatime, and the debut of my LGBTQ column, Sanctuary of the Strange. I’m most thrilled about the LGBTQ column since it’s obviously closest to my heart and very personal. I’ve always wanted to create my own sanctuary and it’s happening.

LGBTQ
We’ve switched to Magzter for the digital releases moving forward and I think the quality and such is much better. You can also now access the magazine on your phone or tablet, which is awesome. Pick up a digital or print copy at http://www.carpenocturne.net or http://www.magzter.com.

Now, I must get back to writing for Fall. The pressure is on for our Goth issue. Just wait and see what I’ve got up my creepy little sleeve. 😉

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School Bullies

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Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for your support on my last post. It means the world to me to know that people care. I did get a new job and will be starting soon as a receptionist at a mental health clinic. It’s actually a job I left a long time ago, but I really enjoyed it and I am excited to go back. Hooray!

On to the purpose of this post: bullies. We’ve all been bullied before. And I’m sure we’ve all bullied someone at one time as well. I sure have and I’m not proud of it. When I was in public school, I was bullied pretty severely. I was a feminine boy…you can guess what they called me. Lately, I’ve been having upsetting flashbacks about it and this concerns me. I feel like talking about it could help. I’m embarrassed, though. I haven’t told a lot of this stuff to anyone. I have to keep in mind that I was still a child through all of this and handled things the best way I could. Perhaps it will give you guys a better idea of why I am the way I am:

2nd Grade – The bullying began early. I think I was seven when my classmates found a Barbie hairbrush in my pencil box. I immediately lied and said it belonged to my little sister. They knew it was mine. The whole classroom was abuzz with laughter. The kids even told the teacher. I realized then that I could never be myself if I wanted to be accepted. The bullying would continue for another decade.

5th Grade – It was time to choose a musical instrument to play and I longed to play the flute. I knew it was wrong for a boy, but I wanted to play it so bad. The band instructor told my parents that it wasn’t appropriate for me to play such a feminine instrument. She was clearly a masculine woman, so I’m not quite sure how she was an expert on gender roles and femininity. So, feeling pressured, I chose the trumpet instead. I hated it. I still want to buy myself a flute and learn to play it one day.

6th Grade – This might have been the worst year of my time in school. I remember feeling really alone and sad. My friends from elementary school had turned on me. When they weren’t ignoring me they were turning my peers against me. I remember one day I just wasn’t allowed to sit at their lunch table anymore for no reason. I still would like to know why this was the case.

7th Grade – I dressed up as Leonardo da Vinci for an English project. I thought he was cool. A group of boys in class said he was gay and insinuated I must be gay for doing my project on him. There was also this fat male bully that harassed me everyday. The teacher actually told my parents about it (shocker as we will see shortly), but nothing was done to stop it. He was really ugly, really mean and stole all of my pretty pens that he said were “fairy colors”. I think he called me by my last name, too. I didn’t like that.

8th Grade – This year I started to be physically abused by a girl at school. She would constantly pinch the underside of my upper arm during class. It hurt so bad. I had big bruises up and down my arm. I tried to hide them, but my mom saw them one day and freaked out. She went to the principal and I had to show them my arm. I was so embarrassed and sad. The girl was suspended. I didn’t want her to get in trouble. I don’t know why. After that, the girl constantly asked if my arm was alright. Cunt. In the same male teacher’s class (he should have been fired), a group of boys drew penises all over my textbook. I told the teacher and he just laughed at me. He had an IQ of about 12. I never asked for help from a teacher again.

9th Grade – My worst memory from school comes from this year, my first year of high school. It’s why I don’t trust people. I was sitting in the cafeteria eating my lunch with friends when a male bully tried to forcefully take the chair I was sitting in. He literally tried to pull it out from underneath me. I wrestled it back from him and slapped him in the arm. In hindsight, I wish I would have punched him in the face, but that’s just not the kind of person I was. I was very docile. After the slap, the entire cafeteria erupted in laughter, including all of the people I thought were my friends who were sitting at my table. I guess a slap was too gay of a response. No one defended me or asked if I was okay. I had been close friends with these people for many years. It was the ultimate betrayal. I was utterly mortified and beyond angry. I stormed off and didn’t return. Again, no one came to find me. Great friends. A half an hour later, when one of them actually came to me, she just wanted her books out of my locker that she insisted on sharing. No compassion. No empathy. I should’ve ripped her books apart and spit on them. I regret being too nice, that’s for sure. Another so-called friend from the table came up to my locker and I kicked her as hard as I could in the leg. I’m not proud of that and it wasn’t right. But, it felt awesome. I don’t speak to any of these people anymore and I should’ve stopped right after this event. None of them ever apologized. I don’t think I can ever forgive any of them. It’s a horrible day to recall.

Throughout high school – My band teacher used to mock the way that I spoke. Male teachers harassed me for no reason. I guess they thought they could muscle the gay out of me. One guy in particular who claimed to be a friend was actually the worst bully of all to me. The bullying began in middle school and through most of high school. He made it his goal to make me feel as bad as possible. Turned tons of people against me. And now he’s gay. Hope that’s working out well for him.

12th Grade – On the first day of school, a guy announced to my science class that I loved to make out with tons of guys. Everyone laughed. Again, the teacher did nothing. That utterly disgusts me. Not only do they not teach, they can’t even protect the kids in their care. This bully was scary. Like soulless. I remember him saying all gay people should be killed. I spent lunch periods in the bathroom because I had no friends to sit with. I was so over school. There was actually a hilarious rumor going around that I lived with an older man who bought me stuff. I wish! The guy who started the rumor saw my dad picking me up from school and based the rumor on that. I have to laugh at that. lol

Those are the events that most stick out in my mind. There were millions more, but I honestly think I’ve blocked them from recall. I just needed to get this off my chest. I cried while remembering the really bad stuff. I hope the flashbacks will stop now. I never realized how much bullying affected me until recently. And I wasn’t perfect. I made fun of kids, too, but never to the level that I received. No one deserves what I went through.

Let me know what you guys think. Am I overreacting? Should I just get over it? I feel silly bringing all of this up. Oh well, I feel better. 🙂

 

~Asylum

Corsets and Crossbones

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Leaves crunched beneath Victoria’s boots as the walked along the windy path up to her house. Wisps of hair fell onto her face from the crisp breeze. Victoria had left Emily’s tea party early so as to make a special dinner for her husband Edgar. It was their anniversary and she wanted to surprise him. Edgar was an accomplished writer with a sweet heart. He had a meeting with his publisher in town that day, so Victoria didn’t expect him home until late. She couldn’t wait to show Edgar her new corset. The two hadn’t been intimate in quite some time.

Edgar was such a hard worker. Victoria didn’t want to quell his dream. But, she was starting to realize Edgar’s passion for her had faded. She was rarely alone with him anymore. He didn’t even ask her for input with his writing. They used to spend hours brainstorming, Victoria the muse. Edgar just needed a reminder of what he was missing.

As she approached the door to her house, Victoria noticed it was cracked open. No one was supposed to be home. Calmly, Victoria removed one of the knitting needles holding her hair in place and entered her home.

Edgar’s waistcoat was hanging by the entrance. He must have just forgotten to close the door when he arrived home. Typical Edgar.

Relieved, Victoria set the knitting needle down in the kitchen and headed for Edgar’s study. Suddenly, she heard movement on the stairs leading to her bedroom and the voice of Edgar’s publisher Leroy. Victoria quickly stepped into the study to remain unnoticed.

“Your new story is a bit weak, Edgar,” said Leroy. “Readers want to be shocked. The mundane is out.”

“I know,” said Edgar, sighing. “It’s like all of my inspiration is gone. It might be different if I could see you everyday.”

Victoria’s eyes widened as Edgar pulled Leroy closer and kissed him. Leroy smiled and tousled Edgar’s hair.

“You know we can’t be together, silly,” said Leroy. “Victoria is a great girl. I feel bad for her. She can’t give you what you want. But, I make up for that.”

Leroy gently brushed his hand against Edgar’s cheek. Victoria stared at the pair in disbelief.

“That you do,” said Edgar, smirking. “But, you better be off. Vicky will be home soon. It’s our anniversary.”

“Have fun with that,” said Leroy sarcastically. “And add some horror to that story of yours. It’s the new trend.”

“I despise gore, though,” said Edgar, wincing.

The two embraced and Leroy exited the house.

Victoria just stood there in silence. No proper lady could get a divorce. Victoria knew she would ruin Edgar’s writing career if she let the public know about his private affairs. She could just pretend she knew nothing of it for now. It was their special day, after all.

Victoria composed herself and walked into the kitchen. Edgar was standing there.

“I know you know,” he said softly. “I love you Vicky. I just get an urge every so often. You can understand that, huh?”

“I can,” said Victoria, staring at the knitting needle on the counter.

“I’m glad I don’t have to hide it from you any longer,” said Edgar. “He inspires my writing the way you used to. This is good for all of us.”

“Of course,” said Victoria, picking up the needle and placing it behind her back. “Success always comes with a little pain.”

Victoria went to hug Edgar, then plunged the sharp needle into his heart. She watched him fall to the ground, the blood spurting from his wound. His frightened eyes met hers.

“What?” laughed Victoria. “I just injected some horror into your life.”

Edgar’s body went limp. Victoria pulled the needle from his chest and placed it back in her bun.

“I should have done that to my last husband,” she said. “Way cheaper than cyanide, too.”

Homophobia

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My next post was supposed to be a fun and light-hearted piece about a really cool musician I recently discovered. However, other events have shifted my focus to something a lot more serious: homophobia. Let me dive into what happened…

I woke up this morning, looked through my emails from bed as always, and gasped in horror at a comment I had received on my music profile. I will post it here verbatim:

“You sir are a fucking faggot. Have you ever fucking took singing lessons? My dog could do better then you! Hell my gay cousin getting ass raped is better! Just quit life you raging homo!”

Ouch! What did I do to deserve than venom? Absolutely nothing. Yet, this person seems to harbor a lot of hatred for me, someone they don’t even know. A critique of my singing would have sufficed. I respect other people’s opinions and I know my voice is not everyone’s cup of tea. I never claimed to be some amazing singer. It’s just something I love to do. On the other hand, viciously attacking my character with gay slurs and making light of rape is utterly unacceptable. I am thoroughly disgusted and angered. I haven’t encountered this level of hate in a long time. Luckily, I’m strong enough to handle it. So many LGBT youth out there are not, though. 😦

Homophobia is alive and well in the world. Just when I start to have faith that the world is progressing and becoming a more accepting place, this bomb drops out of thin air. So disheartening. First of all, I don’t need to be told I’m a faggot. I know I’m gay, thanks. And very proud of it. Second, how could you say something so vile about your own cousin? Rape is never something to joke about. It’s horrendous. I just hope your cousin has supportive and loving family members to surround himself with. No one needs to be around such toxicity. And no, I’m not going to go kill myself. Five years ago I might have. But, I love and accept myself now. No outside opinion will change that. You’re just going to have to deal with it, buddy.

I blocked this user and reported the comment to site support. I don’t want anyone else to be disrespected and attacked by this evil person. Oddly enough, the song this loser posted on is my most popular song with 88 downloads and 422 total plays. It seems quite a few people like my singing voice and don’t care about my sexual orientation…who would have thought?!

This experience just inspires me to be even more unapologetic for who I am. I will not and I cannot change. Homophobic people need to change. Or stay hateful if you must. But please, just let the rest of us be happy. Don’t worry about our lives, because we certainly don’t give two fucks what you do in the bedroom. Just be sure to use protection. 😉

Love and light,

~Jonathan

Motor City Pride

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This past weekend I went to Motor City Pride in Detroit. I haven’t had so much fun in a long time.

It may (or may not) come as a surprise that I am gay. It’s not something that I talk about a lot simply because I think there are more interesting things to discuss. I feel compelled to bring it up after my trip to Pride, though. I’m proud to be gay and this weekend was a celebration of that. Love is love.

Motor City Pride began in Detroit as a gay and lesbian civil rights march in the 1980’s. It has grown a lot over the years and is now composed of many different events celebrating GLBT communities. There is a parade, family picnic, commitment ceremony, and tons of live music. It’s a two-day festival with plenty of things to do and see.

I went to Motor City Pride with my best friend Alexis for the first time this year and it definitely won’t be the last. We both wanted to meet a drag queen because they are the best. I really respect the art of drag and I would love to participate in a drag show at some point. I met a couple fierce queens. Work it!

A major reason I went to Pride this year was because my favorite singer and biggest life inspiration would be performing. I know I blog about Kerli ALL the time, but she is a huge part of my life. I can’t help it. 😛 Kerli’s performance was amazing and I even got to meet her! My life was made. I still can’t process what actually happened. 😀 BubbleGoth overload!

My friend Alexis and I also played with puppies and posed with random statues in front of the Detroit River. We’ve known each other almost our entire lives and I was so happy to share the experience with her. Thank you for standing by my side no matter what, Alexis. I love you. ❤

I also have to talk about my outfit and how popular it was among passersby. I wore my personalized Demonia 7 inch platform boots and I may have stood out a bit. haha So many people asked to take pictures with me and complimented me on my boots. I’m quite the attention whore, so I didn’t mind one bit. 😉 I have no idea how many pictures of me are floating around the web after this past weekend. Pretty rad.


I’m still smiling from the good times. It was wonderful to feel complete acceptance and love all around me. I met so many beautiful, inspiring people that I will never forget. Love wins. 🙂