I’m an Asshole

2

I’m an asshole and I’m sorry. I hate people who don’t keep promises. I am one of those people. I never want to disappoint my readers and most of all, myself. My busy life really isn’t an excuse. I’d rather be blogging and making music than working a job I’m not passionate about, trust me. I’ve come to the realization that something has to give. Unfortunately, that can’t be my day job. I’ve tried to balance everything and I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what that means for all of my creative endeavors. I need creativity to survive, but the stress of trying to maintain it is also killing me. I really hope one day I don’t have to deal with this struggle. If anyone has any advice on how to balance a busy life, then please let me know. I’m failing miserably at a low stress life. I never get sick and I’ve been terribly ill for the last week with no voice, a terrible cough and then a head cold on top of it all. I finally feel like I’m getting a little better. I’ve been keeping up with everyone else’s blogs and you guys are doing really awesome things. I’m seriously so inspired by the creativity and talent I see every day on WordPress. You guys blow me away!

Good stuff is happening in my life, even if I haven’t posted about it until now. The Winter 2016 issue of Carpe Nocturne came out about two months ago. I wrote an Alternative Male Shopping Guide, a piece on Faroese fantasy musician Eivør, CD reviews on Melanie Martinez and Still Patient, my Sanctuary of the Strange column about my journey from Emo to Goth and my poem Not Like the Rest. Pick up a digital copy here or a physical copy here. I’m in love with our cover this time. Ash Costello from the great band New Years Day dressed as Harley Quinn. Epic!

Winter 2016

Blog 1Blog 2.PNG

I’ve also been moved into my new house for about two months now. I love it! Having my own space for the first time in my life is really fun. I think my favorite part is singing at the top of my lungs pretty much constantly. I’m going to do a whole post or two with before and after photos of the house, but I think I’ll give a sneak preview right now.

Blog 3Blog 4

Work is an adjustment right now. I’m sort of in a middle management role and I don’t enjoy babysitting people. I like training and helping staff, but the petty bullshit I can’t stand. I’m thinking about going back to school for some sort of Master’s degree. Yet, I already have no time. Going back to high school sounds really awesome sometimes. lol

Some of you might be familiar with my favorite singer Kerli. I haven’t posted about her in quite some time. Well, she finally released her comeback single “Feral Hearts” and it’s literally the best thing she’s ever done. Kerli’s back in a big way as the song urges the listener to connect with their true self and the nature surrounding them. I feel like Kerli lost her message for a bit being tied to a major label. This is the art she is supposed to be creating. This is the girl I fell in love with eight years ago. The music video for “Feral Hearts” is a dream with Kerli portraying different mystical creatures amongst gorgeous Estonian nature. Please support her in any way you can as she’s now an independent artist. You won’t regret it. Her new album should be out later on this year.

Kerli

That’s about it for now. I think my voice is almost well enough for me to start singing again. Spring is basically here and I love that because snow isn’t my thing. How do you film a music video in a snowy graveyard?! I mean come on. Feel very free to call out my absence and excuses. I deserve it. Damn, we’re about to lose an hour for Daylight Saving Time. Can I catch a break? lol Talk to you guys soon…and I mean it. 😉

Advertisements

Pity Party

10

Sometimes I feel like no one even reads my blog anymore. I suppose I can’t expect much, since I don’t post regular content. Yet, my WordPress friends seem to have disappeared. I have 154 followers and only hear from one or two of you guys. Is it me? Does my content suck? Have I changed too much? These are questions I would love to get some answers to. Please talk to me!

I love writing about music, but I do that for the magazine now. I honestly don’t feel like doing it here as well. I’ve also been thinking about my anonymity lately. My alter ego Asylum Attendant is growing all the time. Carpe Nocturne has thousands of readers who could look me up. People in my real life are starting to find out about my artist name and might even be reading this blog. All it takes is a Google search. I secretly always wanted that to happen so that I could be completely honest about myself. The sad reality is that not everyone will understand what I do here. I’m too out there for some people. I just hope I’m not judged too harshly. There’s no going back from the new world I’ve created for myself.

On the magazine end, I love sharing all of the exciting things I’m working on with you guys. Unfortunately, there are spies from competitors out there. I wish I was joking. Coincidences only go so far. While it will be hard for me to keep things under wraps, that is what I have to do moving forward. I work way too hard to have my ideas or the ideas of any of our other writers stolen. I can say that Carpe Nocturne will be debuting a new poetry column next month. Teatime, anyone? 😉

Work on my new house has been exhausting. Yesterday, I moved a bunch of furniture out to the garage and ripped up carpet in preparation for the floor renovation. I am so sore. We found hardwood floors under the carpet covered in mold. What a waste! Sadly, work on the floors will not begin until August 11. I’m hoping that the company’s schedule opens up and they can get started early. Because nothing else can be done until the floors are finished. My family and I made a shocking discovery when we started to rip up the carpet in one of the bedrooms. My deceased uncle had stashed a large sum of money under the carpet. While disturbing, it’s actually a good thing. Firstly, it proves that he wasn’t robbed, which was everyone’s worst fear. Secondly, my uncle was very distrusting of banks and kept large sums of money on his person for that reason. We were on the lookout for stacks of cash at his house because he was known to hide money in random places. My mom is very happy because the money will pay for my uncle’s headstone.

DIY gone wrong

DIY gone wrong

Floor 2

It’s almost vacation time! I’ll be heading to Lake Michigan for the first time in three years after the Fourth of July. I can’t wait for some rest and relaxation on a bluff overlooking the blue water. Seriously, Lake Michigan is just as beautiful as any ocean. I didn’t get a vacation at all last Summer thanks to the massive flood in my basement. So, this is a well deserved holiday. Who’s idea was it for people to have to work in the Summer anyway? I was also really hoping to go to Toronto for the first time in August, but my plans just didn’t work out. It would have been one of the most epic things I’ve ever done. Alas, there’s always next year.

My romantic life is just as confusing as ever. I love it when people from my past try to come back into my life. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. When another person finally starts opening up, it’s difficult just to shrug them off. I know that nothing good will come of any kind of relationship with this person. But, I’m lonely. Luckily, I have the control and I think I’m strong enough to avoid them. So damn complicated.

I’ll end with a new song from indie artist Melanie Martinez. She has a Carrie moment and sets fire to her own birthday party when none of her friends show up. Melanie is all kinds of crazy and I can’t get enough. I would attend her pity party.

Happy Summer everyone!

Melanie Martinez

2

The creepy cute world I live in is pretty small. It takes a lot for a music artist to captivate me sonically and visually. I like a lot of music, but I don’t necessarily connect with every song I enjoy. Even if I can relate to the lyrics, the artist might actually bore me. I know that sounds bad. I really believe that music and visuals are of equal importance. That’s how a story is told. I could never be that artist that just gets on stage with their guitar and sings a couple songs. I respect that, but those aren’t the artists that generally inspire me.

I haven’t come across such a unique artist as Melanie Martinez in quite some time. Not long ago, I stumbled upon her music video for “Dollhouse” and was mesmerized. It brings back memories of discovering Bubblegoth singer Kerli for the first time, creepy dolls included. The song itself starts out sounding like a demented carnival, similar to the iconic Crispin Glover’s “Clowny Clown Clown”. The visuals aren’t as creepy as that video (thankfully lol), but they’re still spooky and stunning. The lyrics are really smart as well. The song explores the concept of perfection and how people may look like dolls to the world, but behind closed doors is where their flaws come out. Dad is cheating on mom, who’s an alcoholic. And the brother is a drug addict. But, the family hides these secrets to the world. Check out the video below:

carousel

Melanie first came into the spotlight on Season 3 of the U.S. singing competition “The Voice”. For her audition, she sang an alternative version of Britney Spears’ “Toxic”, which was really cool. Playing the tambourine with your feet is pretty badass. Melanie only made it to the Top 5 on the show, but that was enough to build a loyal fanbase called the “Little Bows”, suitable as Melanie always wears cute bows in her hair. Melanie’s appearance is very interesting. She has a large gap between her front two teeth, is known for her two-tone hair, and she is clearly influenced by Lolita with her fashion in the “Dollhouse” video. Melanie is an indie artist and has been compared to Lorde, though she reminds me more of Marina and the Diamonds. She plays the guitar and does acoustic performances quite well. I can’t believe she’s only 18!

melanie martinez

Hopefully Melanie’s first album will be released this year! I really stand behind this girl and I think she’s going to be a huge star. I can tell when a musician is just being edgy as a strategy to make more money. Quirky is who Melanie really is. She’s proving that weird can be just as marketable as sexy. Remember: don’t let them look through the curtains…