Crawl Spaces and Synthwave


So much is going on lately, most of which is very good. There is a setback with my new house. I’m still forging ahead, but it will take longer before I can move in. The house has a crawl space and me and my family have noticed a damp smell any time we are in the house. First, we thought it might be wet ceiling tiles. Those have been tossed, yet the smell remains. The floor of the house is also uneven. As you walk around the house, you can feel it sloping in certain places. The bathroom floor is the worst. We finally figured out why about a week ago.

Now, I was planning on replacing a lot of the floors already. There is this nasty old linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom that has to go. I didn’t think the floorboards and joists would have to be ripped up as well. I had a foundation expert come out to check the crawl space. What he found was not good. First of all, the crawl space is not even two feet high, so the guy could barely get in there. We estimate the house was built in the 1930s, when there were no housing codes. He said it’s a mess under there. There’s a lot of mold and rotten floorboards. The bathroom floor is held up by two cinder blocks. Ghetto much? Luckily, he said the foundation was solid. Otherwise, I would have said goodbye to this house. But, the guy said it could cost as much as $25,000 to fix everything. That is worst case scenario and I’m getting more estimates on the job, don’t worry. The news was disappointing, though. I questioned whether it was worth it to keep the house. Well, I do think it’s worth it. Any renovations I do will just increase the value of the house and all homes are money pits, so fuck it! I’ll bite the bullet for the moment. I may end up sitting on a floor with no furniture (because furniture ain’t cheap), but it will be a safe and clean floor. lol

The floor mess has halted work on the ceilings. There’s no sense in putting up new drywall or a modern drop ceiling before the floor is made even. Clearly, I can’t occupy the house with no floor. So, I’ve been focusing on the landscaping while all that is getting worked out. Some dead (and ugly) trees and bushes are going to be removed this week and that will liven things up. I’ve yet to try out the riding lawnmower, but my dad cut the grass on the property for the first time recently. I’m also itching to plant some pretty stuff in front of the house.

My day job and the magazine have kept me quite busy. I love having purpose. I’m helping people again and although it’s draining, the mental health clinic is where I’m meant to be. I need structure and I have regained that. I hate admitting that I’m lazy, but I really am. However, I don’t half ass anything, especially professionally. When I’m on, I’m on completely. I may crash and burn once finished, but that’s my secret. haha

I did make a Facebook Like page and an Instagram. I’ve already posted some tidbits and photos, so follow me if you feel like it. 🙂 I seem to be moving away from Tumblr for some reason. I’m just not as interested in it as I used to be. And Youtube…well, I’ll come back eventually. I have big plans in this arena that I just have to make reality. My plans are scary and it could very well fail, but I must try. I desperately need a quiet recording (notice how I didn’t say filming ;)) space first!

As usual, I’ll conclude with a new music discovery. Jack Strify is an androgynous synthwave artist whose main inspirations include Yazoo and Depeche Mode. Were we switched at birth? I think yes. I will be writing about him in the future. Stay tuned.



Grey Hair, Sanctuary of the Strange and Social Media


I don’t know if I’ve ever posted my age here. It’s only necessary now because of what I want to talk about. I’m only 25 and I have a considerable amount of grey hair! I don’t think that’s normal at my age. My dad’s hair went snow white early as well and when I was in kindergarten, all the other kids thought he was my grandpa. So, it must be genetic. I’ve been dying my hair black for years (I’m a natural brunette), but I’ve taken a break now for a little less than a year. I think I may have had an allergic reaction to the dye the last time I did it and I developed a dandruff problem that traumatized me. Black hair and dandruff…need I say more. Plus, I’m a bit obsessed with hygiene, so I was so grossed out. Anyway, I got the dandruff issue under control and just let my natural hair color grow back out. But, numerous people have noticed how many grey hairs I have and it’s embarrassing. I got my hair cut yesterday and the rude stylist commented on it. People were also saying that I should get my hair cut short, but they can suck it. I love having long hair.

I suppose it’s time to dye my hair again. Though I’m thinking of a dark purple or a midnight blue color instead of black. What do you guys think? I’ll have to make sure this is okay at my place of employment as well. lol

Also, the Spring issue of Carpe Nocturne is out now! It’s Sci-fi themed and there are a ton of new columns about zombies and health. We’re really expanding. For this one, I got to write a whopping 7 articles! I interviewed the iconic 80s Goth band The Danse Society, wrote features on synthpop artist Lights and cosplayer Yaya Han, and reviewed the Syfy show Face Off as well as albums from NOIR, Avarice in Audio and Junksista. The asylum is growing. You can buy a digital or a physical copy at or on the Barnes & Noble website.

Spring 2015 Cover

The Danse Society’s “Sound of Silence” cover above is sooo good. For the Summer Steampunk issue, I’m very excited to premiere my very own LGBTQ column entitled Sanctuary of the Strange (Where Diversity is the Norm)! I’ll be discussing things like gender, androgyny and sexual orientation and how they affect members of the Goth community. LGBTQ awareness is very near and dear to my heart and I’m honored to be the voice of my community for the magazine. I also just finished coming up with questions for a sultry interview with burlesque star Veronica Varlow and will be writing a feature on the comedic Goth musician Voltaire. Good things to come! 🙂

The last thing I want to talk about is social media. Some of you know how resistant I have been to the entire idea of it. However, I’ve been wanting to share more tidbits about my life that blogging just isn’t meant for. Therefore, I’m going to make a Facebook Artist page and an Instagram. I feel like it’s a good way to meld my alter ego with my personal life and share cool things as they happen. I’ll post the links when the pages are ready.

That’s all for now. I’ll end with a new song from pop rocker Jordan Sweeto. His music is very much something my teenage self would be into. Or my adult self. Got a problem with it? 😉



Just the other day I was asked if I had a Facebook. It’s a valid question since that site is quite popular. I don’t have one. My answer always sets off a firestorm of comments. Really? Why not? That’s weird. You should get one! People are shocked by it. And they always want to know the reasoning behind my decision, as if it’s actually their business. I really don’t need to justify my decision, but since my friends, family, and co-workers seem so intrigued, I thought I would discuss why I don’t have a Facebook.

Reason #1: People I don’t like kept adding me.

When I had a Facebook, people who treated me like garbage in public school suddenly wanted to be “friends”. That was really odd to me. I’m a forgiving person, but not that fucking forgiving. Sure, I could have blocked people and kept my profile private, but I didn’t feel like doing that. Why should I have to pretend to like anyone? I will never forget the past. I no longer hold onto anger and pain from back then. I just don’t want to be exposed to certain people ever again. It’s not healthy and they don’t deserve to see what I’m currently up to. Accepting a friend request from a former bully would be like condoning their previous behavior. Sorry, that’s not happening. It makes me wonder if these people forgot what they did to me. Oh, you don’t remember calling me a fag? Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to you, but it hurt me. I never got an apology. You’re not welcome in my life. 🙂

Reason #2: Mixing work and play is never a good idea. 

We all play many different roles in our lives. We present ourselves in certain ways depending on what the situation is. At work you act differently than if you were at a club, for example. The two environments don’t fit together. I personally would not feel comfortable with my boss viewing pictures from my trip to the Goth club, particularly if I was dressed provocatively and inebriated. People have gotten fired over stuff their co-workers found on Facebook. There needs to be a division between certain areas of life. Not every person you know needs to know everything about you. That is just plain creepy…in a bad way.

Reason #3: I felt restricted.

I’m a very open and honest person. I wasn’t always that way, but I have found that it’s the best policy. I have a small circle of people who really know me and don’t judge who I am. If you have 200 friends on Facebook, then chances are you aren’t super close with all 200 of them. That would be extremely time-consuming. Why, then, would you post your entire life online for them all to see? It doesn’t make any sense. Yet, people do exactly that. Now, I’m into some weird stuff and I love that about myself. There’s nothing wrong with androgyny or spending time in cemeteries. However, I realize that not everyone I come in contact with will accept those things. I want to share the stuff I love with those close to me, but sometimes it’s better to just keep things to yourself. For instance, I don’t think my family would be too happy with my blog. I started it solely for myself, though. So, I’m certainly not going to filter my thoughts/interests/visuals/whatever else I post on here. When I had a public Facebook, I felt like I had to “normalize” myself and it sucked. Normal people are very scary. 😮

Reason #4: It’s addictive. 

I have an addictive personality. Who doesn’t? Many people get obsessed with Facebook and it starts to interfere with their daily lives. I have a feeling that would happen to me, so I’d rather just avoid it. I already have enough addictions as it is: shopping, prison documentaries, and black eyeliner, just to name a few. I was really into MySpace when that was the popular social networking site. lol Picking the perfect profile song was vital, at least to me. Now it’s time for a throwback photo, just because. I was 18 and a bit of a MySpace whore. Forgive me.

I actually kind of miss wearing bandanas in my hair. I thought it was cute. I might just have to bust some out again. 😉