Happy Holidays!

1

Happy holidays everyone! I hope you’re all having great times with friends and family. I had a wonderful Christmas and I am thoroughly enjoying a nice long break from work. To celebrate the festive season, I wanted to record a Christmas cover this year. I was researching which song I wanted to cover and came across an Erasure classic called “She Won’t Be Home”. I’d never heard the song before, but instantly become entranced by the melancholy lyrics and synthy goodness. Plus, I adore Erasure, so it was a no brainer to take this on. The recording process was quite interesting. First, I wanted to finish it before Christmas. That didn’t happen. When I finally went to start recording vocals, I noticed that my computer wasn’t recognizing my professional microphone. I did some research and found out that the Windows 10 update could be the culprit. Whatever I tried, I couldn’t get the mic to work and ended up accidentally breaking it. Hooray! Granted, the mic was probably five years old, but I loved it and that sucks. So, I was forced to record my vocals trashy style on my camera. Please excuse the imperfect quality. Also, my vocals fall behind the music at the end. It’s annoying and editing was a bitch. Anyways, I hope you guys like it. At least I look cute, right? lol

I just got my hair done as well. I’m dyeing it colors according to holidays (I got the idea from LeahMouse on YouTube), so I picked pink for Valentine’s Day. I’m bringing the Gothic My Little Pony look back! I seriously love the color. I thought the makeup I paired with the new hair was pretty, too.

DSCN0895.JPG

DSCN0898.JPG

My family is doing really well and I’m taking a voluntary demotion at work to decrease my stress levels in the new year. 2016 was truly an insane year and I learned a lot about myself and the quality of life I want. I’m exploring career options outside of my field of study and freelance writing gigs that pay since I’m taking a pay cut along with my demotion. I realize that I’m at a dead end in my current job and I’m ready for something new. I was offered a supervisory position, but I really have no desire to supervise people. I’ve found that people just don’t work as hard as me or care as much as I do and it really bothers me, so I don’t need the headache. I’m going to be a bit selfish and look out for myself first and foremost in 2017.

Last month, I met one of my favorite music artists of all time, Jennifer Parkin from the group Ayria! Her show was phenomenal and I danced and sang my ass off to all of my favorite songs. We shared a heart to heart after the show. I told her what an inspiration she was to me and how her music got me through some tough times. My teenage years were a trip, let me tell you! She encouraged me to keep working toward my dream of becoming an artist like her. Jennifer was super sweet and I’ll always treasure this night.

ayria-concert-1

Me and Jennifer! Ignore the fact that I look like a sweaty puffy coke whore. 😛

IMG_0560.JPG

Baddie alert! Me and my bestie Ali.

img_0563

The Cybergoth concert look. Jennifer loved my sparkly jewelry.

My family adopted a couple of families in need for Christmas this year. It was so much fun to shop for the kids and it’s one of my favorite things to do for the holidays. I enjoy giving gifts so much more than receiving them. I did get some really awesome gifts as well. A new bookcase for my office, an electric fireplace to fix the drafty back room of my house and my Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie that I wore in my Christmas cover video. My sister knows me too well! I got my technologically challenged dad a tablet and he hasn’t put it down since Christmas. haha

I always have some new music artist discoveries to share. I seem to have fallen back into a Swedish Pop obsession and I kinda love it. The Swedes just do Pop best, I’m sorry! Dolly Style is a sickeningly sweet trio with influences from Japanese cultures like Lolita and Fairy Kei. Their names are Molly, Holly and Polly and I can’t get their songs or fashion out of my head. One of them (Polly with the purple hair) even looks like a BubbleGoth doll. I can’t!

I’m really addicted to Swedish Idol contestant Charlie Grönvall. I think I stumbled upon one of his videos after a Dolly Style video. I’m sort of superficial and when I saw his emo glam look complete with painted nails, black fringe and eyeliner I melted. He totally reminds me of Adam Lambert. I guess his grandfather is a member of the legendary Swedish group ABBA and his parents are both famous singers as well. Now, it usually bothers me when people with famous family members come on competition shows because I question their motives. That’s not the case with Charlie. He comes off as super genuine and you can feel his love for music. He’s been in a couple of other bands over the years (Bracelet and Little Great Things) and the music is really great. Sadly, he came in third place in the competition, but I’m sure he’ll have a successful career. I’m already planning a trip to Sweden to abduct him.

I hope everyone is pumped for 2017! It has to be a better year than 2016, right!? I’ve watched so many bloggers give up on their blogs during my five years on WordPress and it’s really sad. Some have disappeared and we’ve completely lost touch. I don’t want to be one of those people. Blogs might be a dying art form with attention spans diminishing and instant gratification on the rise, but sharing my life in writing is so therapeutic to me. I love to read about other people’s adventures and challenges as well. Never give up!

I’m excited to create more music, continue writing for Carpe Nocturne, make some career moves, and share it all with you! This is just the beginning.

Much love,

~Asylum Attendant

Advertisements

Melancholy

8

This is my new video in which I get very real with you guys. It’s important to me to share my ups as well as my downs. I don’t know if I’ve discussed my struggle with my weight here before, but my self-esteem has really been affected by it. I feel ugly in everything I wear and wearing form-fitting clothes is out of the question. I also talk about my social anxiety in the video. While it’s not a fun and exciting video, I hope you all get to know me a bit better. I’m vulnerable at times. I am not a robot.

Bored at Work

7

What should a person do when they are not needed in any way at their place of employment? This is my dilemma. I’m writing this while I sit bored out of my mind at my job. I never have any work to do. My fellow co-workers don’t speak to me because no one wanted my position to exist in the first place. I’m the only member of my team that’s ever here (there’s only four of us) and my boss was moved elsewhere to work shortly after I began this job. She works for another agency now, but she’s still my supervisor. Okay…that is completely logical. I can’t ask for more work because I don’t want to lose my job. At the same time, I don’t care about working here any longer. I just want to hit my six months next month, get a paid week of vacation, and transfer somewhere else within the agency. My company has a fun rule in which you can’t transfer to another position within the company until you’ve worked here for six months. It’s been a very long six months, let me tell you.

I can tolerate working pretty much anywhere if my coworkers are fun. These people have been horrid from jump street. They don’t speak when I greet them and never initiate a conversation with me. From my observations, they don’t do much work either, but I think they enjoy that. Being the only member of my team that works in a large room with these people doesn’t help. I’ve been told that no one thought my supervisor needed an assistant (me). Guess what? They’re totally right! However, I don’t deserve rude treatment just for getting this job. I’ve even asked my coworkers if I could help them in any way, but nothing came of it. So I gave up. You don’t care, I don’t care. I can sit and read all day, not uttering a word to anyone. It’s been a complete role reversal from the non-stop talking I did at my last job. Be careful what you wish for.

My supervisor(s) don’t know what they’re doing. I have one at my agency and one from another agency (who was initially at my agency). Sidenote: I was overjoyed when my supervisor was forced to transfer to the other agency. I can’t stand her. Anyways, the supervisor at my agency doesn’t even speak to me. She signs my timesheet (when she feels like it…nice) and that is the only communication I have with her. That makes me feel awesome and appreciated. (Right after I typed this, she called me for the first time ever. So strange…) My other supervisor is all looks and no substance. She’s very pretty, but dumb as hell. Apparently she’s an ex-Budweiser beer model. Yep. And you ended up in social work how…? She’s steadily pushed all of her work onto me and calls me the new her. Excuse me? Unless I’m going to get your old salary for doing the same job as you, don’t you dare say that. She was making double what I do for the same position. Does she really think I’m going to go above and beyond knowing that?

I do enjoy the freedom I have with this job. I can come and go as I please, take long lunches, and run personal errands. No one checks on me or monitors what I’m doing. I’m too scared and honest to just work from home, but I probably could get away with it. I’ve never had this much freedom anywhere else I’ve worked. But, at some level, you want your employer to care about you. I feel like a waste of space. It’s depressing.

I only have one coworker that I like. So sad. But, she’s saved me from quitting. She makes me laugh, I can trust and talk to her for hours, and she helps me with whatever crazy tasks get thrown my way. She’s also worried that her position is getting phased out. She doesn’t have much work to do either. In fact, my whole team has a light load. Supervisors have got to be aware of this and look the other way.

The work I do get is not my thing. I hate planning events and being an accountant, especially since I’m supposed to be doing social work. Driving to Detroit with huge containers of hot coffee and tons of bags of food is never fun. People can call me stuck-up or whatever. I’ve lived near Detroit my entire life. I never want to work there. It’s trashy, run-down and I don’t belong there. Send the hate my way. Most of my team works in Detroit, but I’m lucky that I don’t. I would have already quit if I was forced to work there full-time. The eight-story building is super old and I always think my car is going to get broke into. Not worth the stress. This is one case when old architecture does not interest me in the slightest.

I’m fine with taking notes, creating agendas and presentations, and organizing things. I just wish there was more of that. People ask me what I do and I don’t know what to tell them. I have to lie to appear busy. I want work to do! And that doesn’t include cleaning someone’s office in Detroit…that was total bullshit.

Now that I’m finished venting, I must figure out where to go from here. Do I want to stick with social work or jump into something new? I’d love to perform my own music in Goth/industrial clubs around the world, but is that really going to happen? I have to have a steady income and I can always lead a double life on the side. The struggle! I’ll leave you guys with some fun, creepy music…

Transitions

4

January was just weird. And really uninspiring. Bitter, stupid cold temperatures and tons of snow didn’t help. However, some things happened that I must discuss.

I would say it’s been a positive start to the new year for me. I went on a job interview and learned I was the second choice, got an unexpected counteroffer on a job I originally declined, and had a big decision to make. Back in November, I accidentally applied for a support staff job at a mental health agency. I thought it was for a different program than what it ended up being. Two stressful interviews later, I was offered the position. Unfortunately, the pay was $2.00 less than what I make at my current job and the responsibility level was much higher. After much turmoil, I decided to turn the job down. It was hard because I wanted to leave my other job so bad. But, I refuse to get taken advantage of by an employer again. I know my worth.

Come January, I landed an interview for my dream job. I would have been using my degree to help people seeking a wide variety of mental health services. I would get them enrolled in services and conduct face to face assessments. I had applied to the job numerous times before and never got a call. The interview went really well, despite having to drive there in a blizzard. Thanks, Michigan. This is when a wrench got thrown into the mix.

Before I knew the status of the interview, I received a call from the same agency regarding the support staff job I had declined a month earlier. They had liked me so much that they increased the pay by more than $4.00, changed the job title to administrative assistant, and tailored the job to me. I was very flattered. It feels wonderful when a company has that much faith in you. But, what about my dream job that would pay more and be more suited to my strengths?

I called the lady who interviewed me and she informed me that they really liked me, but I was their second choice. Someone else had more experience and was more qualified. I find that hard to believe, but maybe that was a sign from the universe that the job just wasn’t meant for me. She said they wouldn’t be making an offer for a couple more weeks. The other person could decline or accept. I could decline the administrative assistant job for the second time and wait to see if this person declined the other job. Risky! Or I could take the job that wasn’t my first choice, but would still be a great opportunity. It was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Absolutely overwhelming. I have never and will never make decisions easily.

I finally made up my mind. I took the administrative assistant job! It’s full-time, with great benefits and a substantial pay increase. It’s also much closer to my house and an exciting change. I start in a week. I’m so happy to be leaving the soul sucking hell of a job I currently have. A lot of the people I work with are great, but there are some truly horrid people there, too. And the commute is longgg. Really sucks when it decides to snow every single day.

I graduated college two years ago and I thought my life would be different than it is now. I definitely stayed at my go-nowhere job much too long and got comfortable not challenging myself. I got used and when I finally pushed back, I was put on management’s shit list. I don’t feel bad about leaving. I actually hope things fall apart without me. I suppose that’s cruel, but I think being forced to “work” (in quotations because I did all the work while she shopped online) with a loud-mouthed, ghetto, unhelpful bitch for two years straight was a travesty. I’ll stop there before this gets any more negative.

January was so wild that I’m eager to see what the coming months will bring. I’m ready to care again. I’m ready to learn all that I can. I know I’m doing what needs to be done. I’m scared and I’m growing. I got this.

By the way, I thought I’d share a song from the group Aesthetic Perfection’s new album “Til Death” out February 11. I’m loving their new poppy sound! It’s still industrial and dark enough, I think. 😉

Wish me luck at my new job!

Messy Life

3

I feel like I only blog when I have exciting news or something interesting to share. I don’t usually post through the lulls. So, I’m switching it up. This is going to be a life updates post. It’s probably going to get personal as I listen to Lorde. Damn, she’s brilliant.

My job is really stressing me out lately. I don’t feel appreciated by management and I also don’t agree with the way the agency is changing. There is no incentive for advancement. The workload keeps getting higher, but the pay is still dirt. Certain coworkers are becoming especially unbearable. I seriously had a nervous breakdown this past week because I didn’t get an internal job I interviewed for. My job description has changed and I was forced to interview just to stay employed. In my mind I know it’s time to move on. Either use my degree or do something else. I just suck at making decisions. I was never that kid growing up that knew they were going to be a fireman as an adult. I like too much. And I get bored with stuff really fast. Just because I like something doesn’t mean I’d like it as a career, either. I’ve been looking at other jobs in my field and it just frustrates me. None of them interest me. I think my parents are ready to beat my indecisive ass.

I guess I’m going to discuss something darker now. Someone close to me relapsed on drugs recently. He actually tried to kill himself by overdosing on pills a few days before my birthday last month. I understand addiction very well from all of the research I’ve done and personal experiences I’ve had. Regardless, I’m fucking pissed. When you take someone into your home for 6 months and provide them with everything they could need, it’s a huge slap in the face. It’s like he didn’t give a shit about the sacrifices my whole family made just for him. But, then I start feeling guilty, too. Maybe I could have spent more time with him, tried a bit harder to connect. Shit, I had therapy sessions with him. The helper in me always wants to take care of others in any way. I thought that I was a negative, depressed person but he’s on a different level. No one has it easy in life. Some just cope with problems better. Getting fucked up on pills isn’t going to fix anything. My family has had to let this person out of our lives. It’s horrible. I don’t want him to end up dead, but I can’t help him anymore. Fucking mental illness.

The rest of the stuff I have to say probably sounds stupid now. My body isn’t cooperating lately. This might be TMI, but I’ve developed this terrible skin rash all over my body. I don’t know if it’s from stress or weather change (though I can’t believe eczema could be so bad). I’m treating it with creams and it slowly seems to be getting better. It makes me super self-conscious. Thank god I don’t have a boyfriend. How embarrassing. My eyes are also jacked up. I’ve always had super high eye pressure, which can be an indication of glaucoma. I already have terrible vision, so I’d prefer not to go completely blind. I see an eye specialist to monitor and lower my eye pressure. During my past visit, the doctor was concerned with how high my pressure was. They used a special laser to lower it in the office, which they’ve never done before. Afterwards, my eye hurt so bad I couldn’t go to work. I just hope it worked.

In other lighter news, my hair is driving me crazy. It’s freaking orange. Nobody wants orange hair. I got portions of my hair bleached the last time I was at the salon. This was so the pink and purple dye would be more vibrant. Um, when that shit faded oh-so-quick I was left with a nasty orange color. Orange is my least favorite color. I don’t ever want to bleach my hair again. Or dye it random colors. I kind of want to go back to my natural color, medium brown. Or I’ll just do allover black as usual. I just love pastel hair, but it might not be for me.

Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed everyone, I’m gonna go. I should be filming a Hot Topic haul video very soon. Good idea? I got some super cute things. Lots of “Under the Sea” stuff. It’s prolly going to include a fun rant on their shit customer service, so I hope I don’t swear profusely. I don’t have a filter.

Until then,

~Asylum

New Song “Work”

4

I’m sorry I’ve been absent, but that’s because I was working on a special surprise. I’ve gone back to my roots and recorded a new song! It’s a cover of rapper Iggy Azalea’s “Work”. I’ve re-written a lot of the lyrics to better suit myself and I got pretty personal. I really put my heart into this one and I’m proud of what I did with the song. I hope everyone enjoys. ❤

Work

Lyrics: By Iggy Azalea and Asylum Attendant

Intro

Work for hours on a new song

But, I ain’t done this shit in so long

I’m not bitchin’ I’m just telling you

Trying to let you know what the fuck that I’ve been through

Verse 1

Grew up in the Midwest, nonsense

Hoes so vain, insane

Tried to go with the grain

But, I’ve now overcome that pain.

Haters got a lot to say

Cutting me down for being gay

Listening to them would just be dumb

As I make it past where I am from.

Bridge

No friends, mad family

Sixteen and so unhappy

Hook

I’ve been up all night, tryna get this rich

I’ve been work work work work working on my shit

Milked the whole game twice, gotta get it how I live

I’ve been work work work work working on my shit

Now get this work (4)

Working on my shit

Verse 2

You can hate me or love me

The struggle didn’t change me

More than anything it saved me.

Femme boy with a new ploy

Some thought I was psychotic

Or just plain idiotic

Might have been crazy, sometimes lazy

Never let the sadness break me.

Stomped through the bullshit like a rivethead

Just made me madder and madder

Til’ the taunts came to a head.

So, I got stronger

Dyed my hair as I embraced my inner warrior

Until I came to realize

As I painted my eyes

My inner light I no longer had to hide.

Effeminate, with dry wit

Conservatives will never comprehend it

Creeps poisoned me like arsenic

Old men couldn’t take my innocence

Now, I’m the baddest bitch!

You don’t know the half

This shit get real

Nancy boys giving blowjobs for Louboutins

What you call that?

Head over heels (ha)

Bridge

No friends, mad family

Sixteen and so unhappy

Hook

I’ve been up all night, tryna get this rich

I’ve been work work work work working on my shit

Milked the whole game twice, gotta get it how I live

I’ve been work work work work working on my shit

Now get this work (4)

Working on my shit

Verse 3

I broke free from the bubble

Ain’t been easy

But, I stay busy creeping back from the trouble

Let go of the past

Living in the moment, what a blast

Integrity, love, and unity

I keep balanced in harmony

Eighteen, I changed for the better so

Flying with my batwings to Sassyland

Sounding like a reject marching band

As my Bubblegoth world leaves bitches aghast

My dream is all that I need

Cause it’s all that I ever had

Outro

Now get this work

Working on my shitttt

Musical Obsessions and Tumblr

4

I may have disappeared for a little bit again. I’m back with good music finds though, so no one hit me? 🙂

Nikki Williams – Glowing

This girl is gonna be a huge star. Hailing from South Africa, Nikki Williams has blasted onto the dance music scene with her powerful pipes and songwriting talent. She actually co-wrote Demi Lovato’s single “Heart Attack”, which was a huge hit all over the world and one of my favorite songs released this year. The heartfelt lyrics and pulsing beats on “Glowing” really showcase Nikki’s vocal range and writing skills. Love the long red tresses, too. 😉

Avicii and Nicky Romero – I Could Be The One

I won’t lie, I like this music video more than the song itself. I really love the message of rebelling against a life that society pushes upon you. Quit that job you hate. Move somewhere new. Start over. Never give a FUCK about outside opinions. Just do you.

Unicorn Kid – Pure Space

Electronic artist Unicorn Kid makes music you might hear at a rave. Some of his songs sound like they could be in old video games. Visuals are off the chain as well. He’s a cutie.

Unicorn Kid

Iggy Azalea – Work

“Work” is an anthem for me. Australian rapper Iggy Azalea shows that you can get what you want in life through hard work and determination. I can’t believe I didn’t include her in my previous post on female rappers because honestly, Iggy deserves her own post. I really identify with artists like Iggy who have overcome their struggles and turned pain into beauty. Along with being a rapper, Iggy is also a model (she’s so gorgeous). I don’t know if her ass is real or not, but who cares? She’s the shit. And I must do a cover of “Work”…

Charli XCX – You (Ha Ha Ha)

Charli XCX is probably the artist I’m most obsessed with at the moment. Her sound is dark bubblegum pop with an 80’s influence and I can’t get enough of it. Charli just released her debut album, True Romance, full of dark lyrics and electronic soundscapes. The album includes a collaboration with fierce rapper Brooke Candy, another of my favorite musicians out there right now. She is also going to be supporting Marina and the Diamonds on her U.S. tour in May, which makes me very happy. Marina and Charli look like sisters and if Marina likes an artist, you know they’re good. Charli also wrote Icona Pop’s song “I Love It”, which has been blowing up everywhere. And her fashion sense is wicked amazing. Charli looks like she just fell out of a Tumblr blog and takes fashion inspiration from Wednesday Addams and Fairuza Balk from the film The Craft. I could just go on and on. This gothy pop princess has my heart. 🙂

Charli xcx

Along with sharing some splendid artists, I wanted to share that I have also recently created a Tumblr blog! I seem to be posting a lot of creepy cute stuff and little life tidbits there, so follow me for BubbleGoth fun! You never know what might be posted…especially since Tumblr is my new obsession. I’ll try to keep the selfies and nudes to a minimum. lol

Huggles ❤

~Jonathan