Happy Holidays!

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Happy holidays everyone! I hope you’re all having great times with friends and family. I had a wonderful Christmas and I am thoroughly enjoying a nice long break from work. To celebrate the festive season, I wanted to record a Christmas cover this year. I was researching which song I wanted to cover and came across an Erasure classic called “She Won’t Be Home”. I’d never heard the song before, but instantly become entranced by the melancholy lyrics and synthy goodness. Plus, I adore Erasure, so it was a no brainer to take this on. The recording process was quite interesting. First, I wanted to finish it before Christmas. That didn’t happen. When I finally went to start recording vocals, I noticed that my computer wasn’t recognizing my professional microphone. I did some research and found out that the Windows 10 update could be the culprit. Whatever I tried, I couldn’t get the mic to work and ended up accidentally breaking it. Hooray! Granted, the mic was probably five years old, but I loved it and that sucks. So, I was forced to record my vocals trashy style on my camera. Please excuse the imperfect quality. Also, my vocals fall behind the music at the end. It’s annoying and editing was a bitch. Anyways, I hope you guys like it. At least I look cute, right? lol

I just got my hair done as well. I’m dyeing it colors according to holidays (I got the idea from LeahMouse on YouTube), so I picked pink for Valentine’s Day. I’m bringing the Gothic My Little Pony look back! I seriously love the color. I thought the makeup I paired with the new hair was pretty, too.

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My family is doing really well and I’m taking a voluntary demotion at work to decrease my stress levels in the new year. 2016 was truly an insane year and I learned a lot about myself and the quality of life I want. I’m exploring career options outside of my field of study and freelance writing gigs that pay since I’m taking a pay cut along with my demotion. I realize that I’m at a dead end in my current job and I’m ready for something new. I was offered a supervisory position, but I really have no desire to supervise people. I’ve found that people just don’t work as hard as me or care as much as I do and it really bothers me, so I don’t need the headache. I’m going to be a bit selfish and look out for myself first and foremost in 2017.

Last month, I met one of my favorite music artists of all time, Jennifer Parkin from the group Ayria! Her show was phenomenal and I danced and sang my ass off to all of my favorite songs. We shared a heart to heart after the show. I told her what an inspiration she was to me and how her music got me through some tough times. My teenage years were a trip, let me tell you! She encouraged me to keep working toward my dream of becoming an artist like her. Jennifer was super sweet and I’ll always treasure this night.

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Me and Jennifer! Ignore the fact that I look like a sweaty puffy coke whore. 😛

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Baddie alert! Me and my bestie Ali.

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The Cybergoth concert look. Jennifer loved my sparkly jewelry.

My family adopted a couple of families in need for Christmas this year. It was so much fun to shop for the kids and it’s one of my favorite things to do for the holidays. I enjoy giving gifts so much more than receiving them. I did get some really awesome gifts as well. A new bookcase for my office, an electric fireplace to fix the drafty back room of my house and my Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie that I wore in my Christmas cover video. My sister knows me too well! I got my technologically challenged dad a tablet and he hasn’t put it down since Christmas. haha

I always have some new music artist discoveries to share. I seem to have fallen back into a Swedish Pop obsession and I kinda love it. The Swedes just do Pop best, I’m sorry! Dolly Style is a sickeningly sweet trio with influences from Japanese cultures like Lolita and Fairy Kei. Their names are Molly, Holly and Polly and I can’t get their songs or fashion out of my head. One of them (Polly with the purple hair) even looks like a BubbleGoth doll. I can’t!

I’m really addicted to Swedish Idol contestant Charlie Grönvall. I think I stumbled upon one of his videos after a Dolly Style video. I’m sort of superficial and when I saw his emo glam look complete with painted nails, black fringe and eyeliner I melted. He totally reminds me of Adam Lambert. I guess his grandfather is a member of the legendary Swedish group ABBA and his parents are both famous singers as well. Now, it usually bothers me when people with famous family members come on competition shows because I question their motives. That’s not the case with Charlie. He comes off as super genuine and you can feel his love for music. He’s been in a couple of other bands over the years (Bracelet and Little Great Things) and the music is really great. Sadly, he came in third place in the competition, but I’m sure he’ll have a successful career. I’m already planning a trip to Sweden to abduct him.

I hope everyone is pumped for 2017! It has to be a better year than 2016, right!? I’ve watched so many bloggers give up on their blogs during my five years on WordPress and it’s really sad. Some have disappeared and we’ve completely lost touch. I don’t want to be one of those people. Blogs might be a dying art form with attention spans diminishing and instant gratification on the rise, but sharing my life in writing is so therapeutic to me. I love to read about other people’s adventures and challenges as well. Never give up!

I’m excited to create more music, continue writing for Carpe Nocturne, make some career moves, and share it all with you! This is just the beginning.

Much love,

~Asylum Attendant

The Hermit

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The Hermit

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Wrapped in a cocoon of isolation

Misery is the ideal vacation.

Locked in a vault of fantasy

Living out a deranged destiny.

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Blame is perpetually deflected

While responsibility is constantly rejected.

Apologies don’t exist in the bunker

Where distorted memories are the anchor.

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Adoration quickly morphs into contempt

Not a soul is exempt.

Safety is not guaranteed within the queendom

Banishment is a welcome freedom.

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Pleasure is derived from suffering

Smiles are reduced to nothing.

The trigger is always a conundrum

Followed by a terrifying tantrum.

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Decisions must be rash

Contemplation belongs in the trash.

Weakness is not an option

And rejection is a deadly toxin.

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A constant demand for affection

Reflects a yearning for connection.

Vulnerabilities are given to vultures

Who turn innocents into lifeless sculptures.

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A loving personality is hidden

Behind the steel bars of a prison.

Wallowing in a false escape

Will leave a permanent scrape.

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Rectification is still possible,

Though trust is not probable.

No matter how hard you pull away

There is another open doorway.

Lindsey Stirling Interview!

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Say what!? The Fall Goth issue of Carpe Nocturne Magazine is out now with my biggest interview yet… world famous violinist Lindsey Stirling! I really can’t believe I pulled this off. Lindsey is so inspirational and thoughtful. She’s definitely one-of-a-kind. I’m super happy that I got the chance to converse with her. You can check out the whole interview on Magzter.com: http://www.magzter.com/US/Visual-Adjectives/Carpe-Nocturne/Entertainment/.

I also wrote articles on androgynous synthwave music artist Jack Strify and model and YouTuber Caligo Bastet, CD reviews of Nic Nassuet and Ashbury Heights, and Sanctuary of the Strange was all about marriage equality this time. My poem Masquerade is also in the mix…a first heartbreak really is the best inspiration. Hope you guys enjoy!

CN Fall 2015

Carpe Nocturne: Summer Steampunk Issue 2015

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Carpe Nocturne Summer 2015
Steamy weather outside means that the Summer Steampunk issue of Carpe Nocturne is finally here. We have a male cover model this time with an epic handlebar moustache. This issue covers Steampunk music from around the world, gear-filled events you’ll want to learn more about and our new poetry feature, Dark Corners. Check out my article on the hilarious, but talented Goth musician Aurelio Voltaire, my interviews with Swedish latex model Arathin (whose blog you all should check out) and anti-bullying group Heroes United Against Cosplay Bullying, my CD reviews of bands Atomzero and Suicidal Romance, my legendary (haha) poem Teatime, and the debut of my LGBTQ column, Sanctuary of the Strange. I’m most thrilled about the LGBTQ column since it’s obviously closest to my heart and very personal. I’ve always wanted to create my own sanctuary and it’s happening.

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We’ve switched to Magzter for the digital releases moving forward and I think the quality and such is much better. You can also now access the magazine on your phone or tablet, which is awesome. Pick up a digital or print copy at http://www.carpenocturne.net or http://www.magzter.com.

Now, I must get back to writing for Fall. The pressure is on for our Goth issue. Just wait and see what I’ve got up my creepy little sleeve. 😉

Tony

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Tony

Loud music and NASCAR races,

Hoodies and BBQ.

Cats named after rock stars

And eyes the deepest shade of blue.

You rode a riding lawnmower to our house

You borrowed all of our tools.

Sometimes you weren’t all there,

With your fast cars, you were never one to follow rules.

You needed a friend

To go to the movies with.

But, people were your biggest fear,

So you spent time with a fifth.

They judged your failures and minimized your successes

You could do no right.

You went to another world

In which day might as well have been the dead of night.

Could we have saved you?

You stayed as long as you could stand for us.

I wish I would have been more understanding,

Pummeling your anxieties to dust.

Everyone said I looked like you

And we were so similar.

With the strength you left behind,

I’ll carry on into the future.

Your memory is all around.

From the shelves you built me

To the house you left me,

You’ll always be our Tony.

Carpe Nocturne Magazine Winter Issue

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Carpe Nocturne Winter 2015

The Winter issue of the magazine is finally out and that means you guys can read my articles on musicians Miss FD (pg. 66-68) and Too Dead To Die (pg. 80-81) by following the link below:

http://www.carpenocturnemagazine.com/ISSUES_2015/Winter_2015/index.html#p=66

You can also buy a print copy here: http://carpenocturne.net/subscribe

I’m really happy with how the articles came out. Let me know what you think. I appreciate it! ❤

New Video: Corsets and Crossbones

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I’m really on a roll with making videos! In this one, I read my creepy short story “Corsets and Crossbones” while wearing my Poe shirt. I thought it was fitting.

As I appear to be on a video kick, I wanted to ask you guys if you like them? Are they entertaining? I’m definitely still going to write legitimate blog posts moving forward, but I’m really having fun with the videos as well. You can now see how crazy I actually am!

Until next time,

~Asylum

Everlasting Winter

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I’m beyond sick of winter. I wrote this poem during the snowstorm I sat watching yesterday. Enjoy!

Everlasting Winter

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The colder I become,

My soul feels more and more numb.

Warmth I cannot recall,

Confronted by this icy wall.

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Damaged is my skin,

From fingers long and thin.

The scars will stay on my body;

Weakness I embody.

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Misfortune possesses those close to me;

Health decays rapidly.

Death creeps in when it is darkest,

Barraging the feeble the harshest.

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Entrapment breeds hopelessness,

The frigid air filled with loneliness.

Motivation has no light to grow,

Melting like grimy snow.

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An avalanche of boredom,

I cannot overcome.

I crave transcendence

Above complacence.

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Refrigerated and stale,

Barren and oh-so pale.

A scorching revival

Can thaw my pensive spiral.

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An everlasting Winter

Must eventually wither.

As heat awakens foliage

No longer under hostage.

Corsets and Crossbones

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Leaves crunched beneath Victoria’s boots as the walked along the windy path up to her house. Wisps of hair fell onto her face from the crisp breeze. Victoria had left Emily’s tea party early so as to make a special dinner for her husband Edgar. It was their anniversary and she wanted to surprise him. Edgar was an accomplished writer with a sweet heart. He had a meeting with his publisher in town that day, so Victoria didn’t expect him home until late. She couldn’t wait to show Edgar her new corset. The two hadn’t been intimate in quite some time.

Edgar was such a hard worker. Victoria didn’t want to quell his dream. But, she was starting to realize Edgar’s passion for her had faded. She was rarely alone with him anymore. He didn’t even ask her for input with his writing. They used to spend hours brainstorming, Victoria the muse. Edgar just needed a reminder of what he was missing.

As she approached the door to her house, Victoria noticed it was cracked open. No one was supposed to be home. Calmly, Victoria removed one of the knitting needles holding her hair in place and entered her home.

Edgar’s waistcoat was hanging by the entrance. He must have just forgotten to close the door when he arrived home. Typical Edgar.

Relieved, Victoria set the knitting needle down in the kitchen and headed for Edgar’s study. Suddenly, she heard movement on the stairs leading to her bedroom and the voice of Edgar’s publisher Leroy. Victoria quickly stepped into the study to remain unnoticed.

“Your new story is a bit weak, Edgar,” said Leroy. “Readers want to be shocked. The mundane is out.”

“I know,” said Edgar, sighing. “It’s like all of my inspiration is gone. It might be different if I could see you everyday.”

Victoria’s eyes widened as Edgar pulled Leroy closer and kissed him. Leroy smiled and tousled Edgar’s hair.

“You know we can’t be together, silly,” said Leroy. “Victoria is a great girl. I feel bad for her. She can’t give you what you want. But, I make up for that.”

Leroy gently brushed his hand against Edgar’s cheek. Victoria stared at the pair in disbelief.

“That you do,” said Edgar, smirking. “But, you better be off. Vicky will be home soon. It’s our anniversary.”

“Have fun with that,” said Leroy sarcastically. “And add some horror to that story of yours. It’s the new trend.”

“I despise gore, though,” said Edgar, wincing.

The two embraced and Leroy exited the house.

Victoria just stood there in silence. No proper lady could get a divorce. Victoria knew she would ruin Edgar’s writing career if she let the public know about his private affairs. She could just pretend she knew nothing of it for now. It was their special day, after all.

Victoria composed herself and walked into the kitchen. Edgar was standing there.

“I know you know,” he said softly. “I love you Vicky. I just get an urge every so often. You can understand that, huh?”

“I can,” said Victoria, staring at the knitting needle on the counter.

“I’m glad I don’t have to hide it from you any longer,” said Edgar. “He inspires my writing the way you used to. This is good for all of us.”

“Of course,” said Victoria, picking up the needle and placing it behind her back. “Success always comes with a little pain.”

Victoria went to hug Edgar, then plunged the sharp needle into his heart. She watched him fall to the ground, the blood spurting from his wound. His frightened eyes met hers.

“What?” laughed Victoria. “I just injected some horror into your life.”

Edgar’s body went limp. Victoria pulled the needle from his chest and placed it back in her bun.

“I should have done that to my last husband,” she said. “Way cheaper than cyanide, too.”